Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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