If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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