I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
