I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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