Im at strip club and am horny
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
