Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
