Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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