I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
