I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Couch. On fire.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
