if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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