Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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