OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
