yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
