We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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