i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
