Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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