Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
