so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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