Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
