one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
