is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
