I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
