Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
