You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
