He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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