so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
