The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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