blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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