my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
