The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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