shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
