my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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