grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
