Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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