Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
