apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
