apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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