i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
