how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
