how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
