I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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