I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she woke up with a sticky ear
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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