i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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