I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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