Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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