I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
