evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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