I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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