wakey wakey hands off snakey
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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