Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize