Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
