lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
