So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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