She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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