where does the pee come out of this thing
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
