Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
