Already got asked if we're dating
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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