Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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