So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
