Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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