"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
