I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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