Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
