My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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