I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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