I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
