I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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