first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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