eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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