This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
