i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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