Sry I called you an 8
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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