Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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