what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
