3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus