stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
