I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?