That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.