I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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