he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
