I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
