Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
