Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
