Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
