I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
