im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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