I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
