I wish I could teleport
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
